Ah, it's life.

I've tried to keep a personal blog before but I failed pretty miserably. I thought that I'd try to keep one here now because it's part of Google and not blocked on the school internet.

I dunno. I'm just having a shitty day. It's not that anyone did anything at all, I'm just wallowing in self pity and self hatred while simultaneously being stupid and selfish. It's like this, I've got friends. Katelyn, Elizabeth, Nancy, Kasey, Adrianna, Taylor. It's just hard to be the odd one out all the time. It's not their fault, if it's anyone's it's mine. Katelyn has Celia and Elizabeth. Elizabeth is so fucking messed up its crazy. Nancy just wants to be my friend on her terms. Kasey has Adrianna, and Taylor is friends with just about everyone I can think of. So what about me? Because I just feel all alone all the time. I can't fix it, they can't fix it, no one can make it better, so I'm just left out here feeling bad for myself when loads of people have it a thousand times worse.

To add to this, my grades are stressing me out because I'm bound for a B in geometry, which wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so close. I just don't think I can pull an A on the final, my mom's going to be disappointed, Nickell will be disappointed, my dad, my brother, my teachers, my fucking future. But no one cares what it's doing to me. No one cares about Mia, THEY JUST WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR MIA'S FUTURE.

MAYBE I DON'T WANT A FUTURE.

As I watched that slideshow all I could think of was "And the last senior, who left us too young, who should have been with us and isn't." And then pictures of me as a baby would show up, me smiling and happy and free, and then pictures of me as a young girl, grinning with just a slight indignation. And then the last picture of me, smiling a smile that we all know was fake,  RIP Mia.

I dunno. I wouldn't do it--I'm a wuss. I just want to be acknowledged. I exist beyond what meets the eye. But then again -- all I am is a melodramatic teenager who just seeks attention all the time. I wouldn't be missed.